An interesting perspective on letting babies cry

I really like Gus’s physical therapist.  We’ve been there 3 times (working on the torticollis), and I think she sensed from my cloth diapering and unabashed nursing that I might be a kindred parenting spirit, so our conversations sometimes touch on this ground.  Today, we happened to get onto the topic of what’s often known as “crying it out” or CIO – the philosophy that a baby should simply be left to cry so that he/she learns to self soothe.  Although I’m not as passionately against this as some people I know, and I do believe that some babies need to fuss to settle themselves, letting a baby truly cry (especially a young baby, under 6 months or so) is something I’m not in favor of.  Parents who allow their children to cry to the point of vomiting or wear ear plugs and take sleeping pills to help them ignore the sound make me so sad. 

Anyway, as I said, we got on this topic today, and she made a really interesting point.  I’ve read lots of arguments against CIO, and although I don’t think what she said was particularly new, I liked the way she put it.  She said when her oldest was a baby, people were always telling her she need to let her baby cry.  He’d never learn to sleep, it was good for his lungs, etc.  Then she read something in a magazine that really connected with her, and it does for me too.  Essentially, what it said was, “When you were pregnant, what did you envision?  Watching TV on the couch with your husband while the baby screamed down the hallway?  Or did you envision rocking your baby to sleep?  And 20 years from now, what do you think you’ll want to remember?  Listening to your baby scream down the hallway, or rocking him/her in a chair?”

Don’t get me wrong.  I know parenting isn’t as idyllic as the mental image of a blissful mama rocking her baby to sleep seems.  I know that real life gets in the way.  I know that day-to-day life with a baby who doesn’t sleep well is TOUGH.  (Believe me – I lived it for about a year and a half, and there were days that I couldn’t tell up from down.)  I know that we all have breaking points sometimes.  (There were 2 or 3 times when I tried to let Maggie CIO out of sheer desperation and frustration.) 

But I do think the gist of that comment was really dead on.  Even if life isn’t ideal, that doesn’t mean we can’t strive for the ideal.  There are always exceptions, times when we stray from our own ideals, whether for good reasons or for bad.  We’re only human.  But I need to keep in mind: what was my overall idea of parenting before I had children?  And what do I want to remember about parenting my children when they are grown and have children of their own?  I really think that putting that spin on it will help give me strength during some of those more difficult moments.  And I think it applies to a lot more than just CIO.  It really highlights the fact that the easy thing isn’t always the right thing, especially in parenting.  Our children are only young once, and sometimes we have to make sacrifices for them.

So her point is one I have a feeling I’ll come back to over and over as the years pass by.  It’s another tool in my parenting toolbox.  And boy oh boy, there are some days when I need all the tools I can get!